It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
With twinkling lights everywhere, it is indeed beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
And to sound like Christmas as well.
As I turned on the Sirius Christmas channel, the first song I heard was a duet sung by our beloved local boy, Michael Buble.
Who doesn’t love Michael Buble with his clean-cut good looks and his smooth sultry voice.
But lo and behold, he was singing Baby, It’s Cold Outside made famous by another crooner, Dean Martin. Apparently though, we are not allowed to enjoy this tongue-in-cheek holiday chestnut as it promotes rape culture which is a no-no in this #Metoo era.
Oh come on. It’s not like the young gal can hail Uber or some other form of ride sharing as it doesn’t exist locally. And she shouldn’t drink and drive. I ask you, what is the poor girl to do.? Anyway, she does resist his advances by replying, “I really can’t stay…I simply must go. The answer is no.”
So what’s the issue?
When did Christmas get so politically incorrect?
I hear the iconic movie It’s a Wonderful Life is in the bad books as it promotes sexism.
Next it will be Ebenezer Scrooge getting the axe for his workplace bullying.
I suppose PETA, the organization for the ethical treatment of animals objects to Santa’s reindeer being worked so hard without paid overtime.
And what about Santa wearing his ermine-trimmed suit? Shame on the old fella!
And of course I can’t ask Santa to “slip a sable under the tree”, as no doubt, PETA wouldn’t approve of that either.
And when I had my photo with Santa taken recently, I dared not sit on his knee for fear of reprisal.
I imagine we Canadians will rally to change the title of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas to I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas now that the wicked weed is legal. I’m speaking of cannabis or marijuana.
Hey baby, if it’s too cold outside, smoke a little reefer… that should warm you up!
And if I hear the greeting Happy Holidays one more time, I think I might scream. It’s perfectly acceptable to say Merry Christmas.
Speaking of which, your local CARP chapter recently celebrated its annual Christmas party with 220 guests. Included in the festivities was a quiz to test your musical knowledge (with apologies to my friend Denice).
Here’s a sampling.
•Who said, “Do you hear what I hear”? in the Christmas carol of the same name?
a) Justin Trudeau telling Sophie they will not be visiting the Aga Khan this Christmas
b) Your son as he stares at the baby monitor which tracks his newborn’s sounds and movements
c) Your audiologist at the final fitting of your hearing aid
d) The night wind
• In the first verse of Jingle Bells, what was everyone doing as they dashed through the snow?
a) Taking selfies
b) Laughing all the way (to the bank, maybe?)
c) Actively celebrating Canada’s legalization of pot
d) Wishing they were in sunny Mexico
• In Angels We Have Heard on High,what are the angels doing?
a) Sweetly winging o’er the plain
b) They were getting high, it’s legal now
c) Sweetly singing o’er the plain
d) Aggressively recruiting for a new Speaker of the Legislature.
• Fill in the blank – “All I want for Christmas is________
a) My driver’s licence suspension lifted
b) Some of that legal cannabis I’ve heard about
c) My two front teeth
d) Any teeth
e) To wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!
See you in 2019!
April Lewis is the local communications director for CARP, a national group committed to a ‘New Vision of Aging for Canada.’ She writes monthly.